this i believe more than anything~

http://www.bentinhomassaro.com/blog/value-state/

and again~

i fed the horses at 4 o clock today, the only responsibility I had today. now im on the deck watching the hummingbirds fight over the feeder they're inches from my head, divebombing each other sporting sharp dagger beaks... i've heard them clank! yes, and now the soft subtle coral blue sky... sometimes i'm not sure how to envelope this life. it seems surreal at times. ethereal. poetic. mystical. gifted. given. glorious

ive been reading marianne williamson recenly.
opinion
insight
research?
verification?

shall I begin again?

~journeying~

I always loved blogging, wrote much, thought much, it was a catalyst for inspiration... I was without a computer for such a long time... I spent too much time at it, writing, imaging... now I go out more, capturing, enjoying... I guess I'll have to wait and see...

one of the best friends i'll ever have~

timeless music
ocean lovers
embracing within
mystique bond
companionship unmatched

yesterday, last night and this morning~

We had our office Christmas Party in Pismo yesterday, then I went to the beach and took some photos.

My son called and I told him about an idea I had for a theme of photos~
He gave me a title for it~

I'll post that feature theme of pics after collecting a few more...
Until then, here are some from yesterday.

In the evening I had it in me to go listen to some Hawaiian music at Cad's Cafe' in Los Osos last night. I've known Charles for a number of years, close to 3, as our boys hang out together sometimes. He took the leap of faith and opened the little vintage coffee shop next to Round Table Pizza back then. He's got the vintage theme going, and serves home cooked comfort food from the traditional American diet, Chicken Fried Steak, Chili, home made soups, then throws in some tidbits of another culture, like fish Tacos... Coffee, Tea, Beer, Soda, eclectic furnishings, memorabilia, displays of artistic photography, poetry readings, and now music... best kept secret in the county as far as I'm concerned~
His son's mother, Zayra, a deep soul acquaintance of mine, is the incantatious poetress who expresses feminine sensuality in word~
http://www.zayrayves.com
Blessed aquaintence, a woven thread of my own healing in it's infant stages.

therefore, as above, music & dance last night was there, beautiful little babes of the lead guitar/vocalist. Also Sylvia, the Hula instructor of the County~ I will begin this new dance myself soon. I haven't been to swing, socialize, salsa or schmooze in a few months, been wondering what I've been waiting for. But when I saw the Hula, I knew. In the kitchen, on a hike, in the sunrise or on a deck, I now stretch/yoga/dance as a spiritual offering to the beauty around me... somehow I'm now lead to learn an entirely new form and frame of dance, and I am so excited. It is story in song as told with the hands.

Life's direction never ceases to bring me closer to myself now as that's the discovery I made sometime ago and pledged to myself, as in the prayer I entered below in blogpost: (Sunday, December 13, 2009)

Mystical movements of the energy and cells and vibrations which become clarity and healing and love...

This morning I was up and out before sunrise to photograph her beauty in morph display~
She sang to me of the unity and complex perfection of the planet, and it's abundance of renewal available unto itself to heal itself. This is why we humans are becoming aware of the ability and direction of bringing up the vibration of one's conscience and spirit in order to participate in the healing of the planet~
It's no longer an experession of a concept, need or idea, it is the essential practice of all of humanity and the right of our higher intelligence~

beauty deluxe

Today is my granddaugher Arabella's 3rd Birthday.

She is a Princess of every fairytale, land, story, movie and imagination~

and an oompa loompa too....

~in't she cute

so this is lil' miss mackinzie.
such the devoted heart to you when she's your friend
tenacious love of family
destined cat lady
sarcasmic delight and fashion mench extraordinaire
her soul was entrusted to me in the sweet package of baby jewess
so many few years ago...
strong willed, often questioning authority, thinking for herself.
privileged to be her spirit vessel to planet earth~

and what an artist of the delectable
see her work at Windows on the Water
have her create a gourmet pizza delight for your nourishment
and save the sorbet for the crescendo~

love in the sky ~*

I watch

for hearts, love, life and light

to show up every day

here is one delightful "accident"

left by astronomical technology

July 29, 2001

i was going to the unitarian universalist church. Andy Pease spoke. New Life. this is what I wrote, this is part of my journey to ... me:

Brilliant young architect @ UU who shared about community. Inspired beyond my own imagination to pursue a future here on Earth as i never have before. Who am I, what do I do and what is my next step? Reading page 165 of "A Woman's Way through the 12 Steps" I'm truly inspired to revise my own version of the Third Step Prayer:
'Healing Presence, I offer myself to participate in the process of healing my soul, mind, spirit and body. I look to be guided throughout every season of change. I open myself to learn to release myself from the false perceptions, wounding and scars of the past. Through this, I seek only to be free to live in integrity. I embrace all guidence through obsticals that I encounter that I may be an inspiration to others of the Beauty of Wholeness.'

refreshingly, this piece of paper has been rambling around in my "stuff" all these years, folded up pieces of 4X6 note paper. today I finally got through the accumulation of paperwork enough to find that. now documented and preserved, i can go back to my livingroom floor where the rest of the mess awaits my very challenged organizational skills.

human and the divine, all in one package~
this is what we are.
perfect

spirit~ love *~~~ purpose~*

i hear the call and i know i have already been on my way since long ago.
it is time now to step up to the level of acknowledgment and walk forward in it~
i have absolutely no idea what this will bring me through, but i know i will adapt and keep the vision before me, as this is how i've always operated
when i get there, somehow i'll know what to do next.
just like in the alchemist
profound

today~

memoirs~

i purchased george winston's december cd this week. it arrived today. it's the 20th anniversary edition re-release. as i listen to every perfect note, melody and resonance, i realize that the memories evoked within this music are also perfect. i'm listening to the kanon now, by pachelbel, but soon the holly and the ivy will come on, i think it's number 11. i played it while i walked down the isle to marry chad. we got married in harmony in the huge old barrel chapel. november 21st, 1986.

oh, here it is~

~~~

i think about how i spent a couple of hours with beth, megan and steve preparing them for their performance in the wedding march. we had so much fun and they were so great. beautiful children and wonderful human being no doubt. i don't think, dwell shall i say, on that part of my life as i prefer to stay in the present moment. this way i don't miss out on the present magic of life. but this is my present moment, how marvelous, to be moved to look back and remember some of my life expericences without any pain, remorse, bitterness or anxiety. i look back and all i see is perfection. it was a place and time in each and everyone's life that wove part of out soul into who we are today. i am sad though, i just remember taking steves dog to the pound, it kept running away, and i don't remember him taking responsibility for it, like taking it for walks or anything... but i'm sure i broke his heart a little bit...
deep sigh~~~

chad and i felt deeply connected, i was seeing it like this this morning~~~
we had both been so deeply hurt and disappointed in how our love and lives had fallen apart before we met, that when we discovered the parallels in our lives, we felt an immediate connection. i would say now that that was destined because we talked years later and stated that that had been one of the happiest times in our lives, for each of us.

so here's my new understanding of it: it was what we drew toward ourselves to help ourselves heal, and we did. our lives were full of life, love, joy, hope, laughter, discipline, routine, plenty, companionship, freedom, pride, enjoyment and contentment, which evolved to add pressure and responsibility, frustration, seeking, concern, devastation, anger, bitterness, faithlessness, escape, disappointment and eventually disillusion.

it was all part of the new fabric of what our lives would become. i'm so grateful that this is also now where only the sweetest of memories now emerge. this is what my mother told me eventually happens, as i believe this is also the result of the healing work i set out to do 10 years ago. however, as i look back, this has always been my quest, to heal, to look for and seek out healing for pain, because somehow, i know deep inside, only i can find what truly heals... i am finding that every experience in my life points to that strength in my personality. and with the joy, i share that, in just my countenance, and that is the gift i give to every life source my life touches...

today in slo

bridges~


he drew it out of me, the art...
thank you blizzard soul crashing starlight into my spine sense nerve brain heart~

i remember you~

appointments with government, heroines and the blessed elderly
mackinzie and me, rambling around town
and sweet moments with sister katie price, lovely maiden of the northern isle~
we women have the magnificent gift of sisterhood in heart laughter
heart
laughter~

i read skylana's blog this morning and sent her an email to comment... @ 7:11 am
http://skylana.blogspot.com/2009/12/what-do-i-prove.html
precise and grounded description of her inner journey
brilliant
clear
concise
exceptional ability to communicate her exact thoughts
directives
discoveries
decisions
enlightenments

i can see the healing progress in both of my daughters right before my very eyes...

mackinzie seeing who she is and what makes her happy and that life is wondrous and safe and good and that she is capable and smart and warm, sweet, kind, loving, caring
and hysterical...
and she is so deeply loved by those who embrace her, they can't help themselves~

skylana has brought herself through a birthing of her core self, represented parallel to the birthing of two new souls here on earth.

women are outnumbering men now...
it will become a woman's world during their lifetime~

these are brilliant and capable souls.

i'm privileged to have been the chosen vessel for these women to find their souls in time here...
how graced i am by their life and light and work and blossoming...

how blessed am i~

i consider the experience for me to say "i see by my experience that i am witnessing the progression of the miraculous in my life. the simple yet profound confirmation of the truth i believe being demonstrated through my experiences". summed up truly in what i infused with in conscience upon this wisdom of cellular soul healing with Christa Rae Pacheco http://www.spirit-masters.com/. she is the first person with whom i have ever had a complete and multi-faceted faith conclusion resonate.

however, i only knew so much, she gave me a clear scientific description why i believe what i believe on a cellular level. it was mindblowing, spiritually and scientifically. one fascinating fact is that every human dna strand of all of humanity is 99.99% identical. only .01% of dna is varied, which causes every variation in the human species.... .01%



.01%

*~creating light energy~*

we have the ability to create light and life and energy
that is healing and good and positive
to every living being that comes into contact with it
~we have extraordinary power~

and it is our only hope

an evening beyond my most expansive anticipation

Tim Pacheco delivers Life and Light

discover more of his gifting and offerings here:
http://www.timpacheco.com/index.cfm

~THIS MAN'S LIFE PARTNER~
Christa Rae Pacheco
http://www.spirit-masters.com/

~having impressions and understanding, absolute knowing and deep core resonation to what occurred last night, including the ability to realize the depth of the blessing of it all, is what i find to be splendidly overwhelming to my soul...
who am i to be entitled to such wide wisdom and profound exposure to the light?
though only human, i was touched by the magnitude of what it truly means to be of the highest order of life on planet earth...
"what am i doing here?" was the revelation of the eventing, complete and all encompassing confirmation that i am on the pathway of enlightenment that i believed i was upon, but only alone in my experiences, now affirmed in communion with one sister of spirit healing who's life path i crossed last night...
to be in deep confirmation conversation in every reflection of the truth and knowledge i have been pursuing these last 3 years was awe inspiring and of the most divine moments of my life~

I came into the Cuesta new experimental theater to hear 5 instrumental guitarists perform. I sat down right in front of Christa, and instantly began talking. I'm sure she was not surprised at the encounter, being the intuitive healing guide she is, she would most likely be operating in her instant awareness of life's continual mastery of artistic creation.

I would parallel it to the unplanned performance last night of Dorian and Jeff who had never before met, only in the hallway earlier long enough to exchange the agreement to play a melody harmony together at the conclusion of the concert.absolutely mesmerizing the fusion of spontaneity blended in refined talent as well as divine deliverance....

http://www.dorianmichael.com/
http://www.jeffmiley.com/HOME.html

this was the wonderment that infused my entire being, in the meeting of mind and spirit with Christa. completely unpredictable yet delicately woven event in my life that enhanced and encouraged my chose life path of faith.

I have delightfully held this magic of the instance within my soul all day in anticipation of what may come next... and the astonishment never ended.
all day today i experienced the unexpected meetings, inexplicable occurrences and chance happenings that continued my deep knowing appreciation for life in my here and now today this day~
if only this brief snippet of fascination in my expression touches you.... i will be thrilled
in love to all who pass this way~
may you be blessed~

kitty in blissful domination~

Even within the animal realm there is such mystery and beauty...

I'm an avid birdwatcher, mainly because I always longed to fly, but then I acquired numerous cats~

I still love to see and observe birds, however, to watch the antics of kitty's watching birds can be entertainingly comical. It often makes me wonder what goes on in their kitty brains~~~

Another aspect of kitty personalities is watching them play and romp together, and clearly establishing boundaries and cast systems within the household. In contrast though, cats also seem to be very familial, they seem affectionaly attached to their little clan.

In our mismatched home we have the sweet affectionate

tenderhearted doughboy big bro Riley who is fairly mellow and more independent,
then we have the saucy princess Petunia
as seen here dominating her human pet with cozy comfort

and last but not least we have little bro Oliver ... ...who is the impetuous scamp rambler
and oblivious to the squirt bottle.

I love coming home, as I open my door, to their odd, sweet and impossible "personalities" because they make my house come alive. Especially when they sound like miniature horses galloping through the house, one end to the other, chasing and keeping fit. Regardless that this happens regularly at bedtime, I love it~

November in Los Osos

Musicians Magical Rhythm
Soul Deep Movement

~Unmatched occurrences such as this
are the kind that make whimsical life choices
worth stepping away from routine
and remaining open to unpredictability~

The Scent of Ceanothus and Miraculously Woven Homestead~

This morning I had some enlightening revelations within my soul spirit being
that made me feel more a integral part of humanity~

We are all called to contribute who we are to life, in it's essence, in our current place in time and space, to the greatest and grandest ability we have within ourselves, no matter how that expression comes across.
We are called to become the fullness of ourselves.
Some are chosen to lead, some are designed to design & create, some are gifted to teach, some are drawn to experience, some are driven to explore & capture the extremes, some are directed to heal others, some are led to heal themselves...
We all have our unique mark on the planet in physical presence, in action, thought and/or perception....
How can we possibly find one purpose that encompasses us all?
I had an understanding of one who would do anything necessary to pull themselves aside in order to preserve who they are and what they have to contribute.
I'm grateful for this new expanse of understanding~

CAPTURING nature MYSTIQUE & conveying GRATITUDE

Giving thanks for this day

yet completely incapable to put into words

the magnitude of mystical and familial beauty
that enfolded me in every aspect of experience
gratitude and awe are attemptedly expressed

how is it possible to capture such essence light and life~
i'm only a clunker of a photo nerd
and yet here is the most magnificent photo i've ever taken to date
profound gratitude for technology

Above and beyond all this fascination, this was the day that my daughter was scheduled to work. She works at a gourmet restaurant in Morro Bay and got to work all day creating thanksgiving feasting desserts for a myriad of customers. My son and I love to hike, and as she most certainly does not, he & I went on an explore this day rather than do it tomorrow when she was off all day. We went on our hike before we went home, cleaned up, and went to eat at the restaurant in her delightful company.

Logan and I have been to this spot before two or three years ago.
That day he declared that his heart desire to return as the spot was magic to his spirit.
I love that this young man embrace beauty and nature, an experience that we share and can enjoy together for a lifetime. Nothing overly educational or technical, I know some plants, (such as the gooseberry above), trees and birds, but it is the being out there and being enfolded on all sides by the expanse of natural beauty that bonds our hearts...

I didn't tell him exactly where we were going, but...

... he found it.

I called this place Heaven because it is perfect.

He could sense the memory of it as he was drawn forth to our destination. It is where you come upon this saddleback rise between two low ridges.
From there you can see as far as the eye can see on both sides.

~The Southwest view~

The Sentinel Tree
...and again, the communion within his soul spot
on a tiny dot
of this majestic planet

The oak stands to umbrella the soft breeze that meanders its way up the face of the incline, warmed by its journey across the bestowing chaparral.
The scent is sweet with blossoms as it brushes your face with delicious soil earth soul love.

It is the fragility and impermanence of these moments that break my heart.

Hence the immense gratitude for the personal intention to go, to be, to see to not miss the chance to create these momentous memories.

This is what life calls to me...

Then I remember that I'm onto the next adventure, to eat gourmet Turkey with both of my babies who have passed me up in stature, and often in wisdom...

Apparently I'm in trouble for this shot~ And annoyance is revealed in this one~

While we eat there I always ask Mackinzie if she has any funny stories for me from the kitchen. Soon we are wrapped in rib crunching laughter at the great personality antics of the chef. She absolutely loves her job, her boss and her potential for promotion and expansion into the world of gourmet architecture.

In all of this, I'm so touched that these beautiful and wonderful human being who were put on this planet under my guidance are still grateful for my participation in their lives....

life is precarious~

how is it we find our spirits challenged every where we turn?
tonight i wonder how to be the all knowing wise mother of my teen age son
earlier i was enraptured in the merciless damp chill of the winds off spooner's cove
before even that i was soul illuminated with the revelation that life doesn't really mean anything
it is all about experiencing the present moment
that is what makes life exist, our participation in the interaction of all those random cells
brought together in perfect formulation
in time and space that collided with my own...
that is all
there is no explanation
there is no purpose
no absolute knowing, knowledge or possible perception within our minds
to ultimately conceive of the full and profound meaning of life~
we are only human

rhythm alive ~ beating bloodflow *~soulshine ~*

~ZONGO ALLSTARS~

Steel Drum, Bongos (also Alto Sax), Standard Drums, Lead Vocalist, (also Sax, Flute & Rhythm) behind him Electric Bass, Trumpet, then in back, Electric Guitar

~Zongo Spirit Love~

little boy about 5 yrs old

blue knit hat
onto the dance floor
sister pauses

sunshine colored coat
joins him

then Mom

black sweater & denim blue
trumpet's children

and his wife

see clearly
this is family

then we

all

Celebrate

this is kindness
music

play

Celebrating Life

alive together

Heart in Stone is what I titled this photo...

it is actually an imprint left on concrete

similar to the imprint that was left upon my heart recently

it is not so whimsical that this is the heart of being that i find myself considering today

however, i will consider instead this:
overt gratitude for the wisdom "don't take anything personally"
remembering that we all have our heaviness and broken roads that we have traveled
we cannot help but bring it with us everywhere we go
and so, i have intended to not allow it power over me
to allow it to weigh me down, to stop me from loving or to turn my heart to stone~
that is my privilege in embracing certain gems of wisdom that i practice
because they give me strength through the vulnerable passages of life~
they create in me courage, compassion and willingness to face life
square on, even when, well, especially when, i'm powerless over what goes on around me.
it is one learning adventure built, one precept upon another, in my woven world of me becoming

i see that there were feelings of accusation perceived

but it was only inner hatred being self received....

my heart breaks for you my love~

debilitated inspiration

overwhelmed
simply
today
life
fleeting days

composition
fragile fragmented imagery
time
this
lucid life
'stuff'
framing explorations

every instance
seeing, feeling, infusing
inspiration, gratitude, awe...


fresh
Mackinzie
on the bay







unprecedented
rowing
Logan

crossing glassy waves
scenery unmatched
captain princess softly commanding~

cruising town
abandoned skeleton
past lives
old friends
again remembered
reflecting together
reawakening sisterhood

designing nourishment
feasting together
work

car spilling full
boys
me
meandering roadway
montana de oro
waves
embrace the bracing cold
foam force
wildness
water aliveness

yesterday
toting mama
elderly-ness
dancing regardless
compassion
Hal, Marcy, Sam
home
hearth
heart

life unraveling
slowing
pausing
weighty
unrelentingly changing

itsy bitsy pieces of pictures
momentous memories
me
in her image
reflected...

gift of practicality
visions of frailty
time passing
rocks eroding
sand

home bound after hiking bog thistle trail alive and energized
cool storm breeze blazing through my car

connectedness

seems eons ago we girls discussed the bonding elements of relation
ship, it only having been just this morning~
while in reflection, i see that for she and i it's considerably different things.
however, i only know what's dynamic for me, now that i'm participating in it~

as i disclosed with this Soul Sister the experiences i'm immersed in, it was enlightening to me to hear myself speak of my own familiarity within the deep part of my soul which had long lay dormant.

somewhat the nature of a sleeping beauty reawakening, a becoming restored within the exuberance of creativity...

unbeknownst to me that much of the animation slumbering inside was to be brought forth in photo journalism and composition documentation, a compilation of episodes, this walk-about, this excursion of quandary i identify with as being alive.

there is no way to know what awaits, no linear forward view of time and space, yet here and now the promise and capacity to create the sublime i long to reflect upon which is epoch. innumerably enjoyed, first through presence, then in imagery.

such as; stretching in the morning sun, in the yard under the trees, finding the forest wren and exchanging greetings, waiting, looking forward to the next encounter in mystique and love, always love and tenderness drawing forth from me the core of my spirit unto quixotic fulfillment, awe, in absolute reality.
love draws itself into my personal realm...

as in sharing the poetic tendencies in expressed approach, the melting trudge through life's past disappointments, the comedy afforded, philosophies explored, political views endorsed, religious disenchantment abandoned, hearts entwined and coming undone, all that life has exhibited in each of our separate lives until this point in time of reuniting them~

to find such commonality and cohesion, balance, response, respect, deep love and comfort leaves me feeling not so entitled, but mystically favored.

and with that, possessing the skill to capture, enfold and imprison this bliss not only by way of recurring memories created, but also in the midst of present encounter, secures for me an unimaginable future of solidarity and companionship unmatched by any other exchange previously known in the space and time known to me as my vital essence.

boundless gratitude~